Over the past few years I’ve stopped believing in a lot of things. Some of those things are theological, some are political, some are social. I have less faith in politics. I have less faith in governance. I have less faith in media, both mainstream and social. I have less faith in most institutions.
Totally relate, almost word for word. Just before the pandemic hit, a friend died suddenly, and then I was in a self-enforced lockdown trying to finish a book ... and then the globe shut down. My own world got so small it was a massive achievement just to go and get a coffee from the McDonald’s drive-thru. That was about as much community as I could handle. And yes, while I kept up Instagram posts and Substack etc, I got more jaded about them as well. I’m still not out of it either, so the best I can say is that you’re definitely not alone in what you’ve experienced. But how you’ve expressed it is a gift and I certainly appreciate the vulnerability.
Man, I’m sorry you’re going through this Blake. This post is evidence that your inner most heart is fully intact and fully human. 🙏🏼 Our hearts take the longest to heal. While that process continues, be good to yourself. Nourish your mind and body in ways that make sense and resonate with you. Sometimes, when we take care of ourselves like this, paths emerge and things we’ve not thought possible beckon. This is my hope for you and others who’ve commented.
You’ve described near perfectly how I feel. While I don’t grieve too much the way things used to be, I also don’t know how to move forward. Baby steps and adjusted expectations is the plan for now.
I relate. The lockdown, the deaths of a couple friends, and some health issues at home (wife's, then mine) put some hard dents in even my "unsinkable" extrovert personality. Repair and recovery comes slow.
I deeply relate to this. And not to be weird about it, but you're one of the people I've hoped I could be friends with, one reason being that I recognize a lot of my own deconstruction in yours as you describe it; and another reason being that I always feel a kinship with people who seem to wear their grief as a veil whether it not they want that to be the case, and the things they see are often seen through that context.
I remember feeling like everything “worked” in our pre-pandemic world because everybody was used to functioning in some intertwined pressure cooker. And then covid came and all the things that used to keep us “connected,” however toxically or positively, came unraveling. And it seems like there’s a lot of folks who took the pandemic time to reset and re-evaluate and it’s harder to pin them down maybe?
As an autistic person, I know I worked pretty hard to watch, memorize and try to step into other people’s rhythms as a way of feeling like I belonged to a larger sphere of the world. So I felt the jolt from that predictability disappearing pretty strongly. I do think you’re tapping into something here that many people are affected by—this feeling of being untethered and being adrift. It’s not a good feeling. And I’m not sure what the antidote is (though I do like your idea of going to the library more). 🧡
I feel weird because I have thrived in the pandemic. I finally got my lifelong wish of working remote and spending more time with my pets. I’m happier than I’ve ever been.
Thank you for sharing this, Blake. I also am still struggling to get have a life after lock down. I took early retirement, Social Security, because I couldn't work during COVID. Now I'm not sure how to get back to work, or even if I want to. There is something I want, but I don't know how to find it yet. Take good care of yourself. Many of us love you.
Can totally relate. An old friend died just a few months before the pandemic. My job ended around that same time and I just didn't feel like looking for another one - and after the pandemic started looking for work became complicated - I didn't work again for about 2 years and that job ended in December'22 due to a lack of funding. My health anxiety rose to new levels as the pandemic grinded along which meant I was wary about going anywhere. I think it morphed into agoraphobia to some extent. Somehow, I suspect I developed frozen shoulder due to some of this anxiety.
I'm feeling a bit stuck at this point. From reading the comments here I don't think we're alone in these feelings.